Broken-hearted Momma...

One of my high school friends accompanied me to DSWD Malate this morning. We are to inquire on how to secure a DSWD travel clearance (and hopefully get one!) for my 3-year old daughter. After two years of planning to go there (and three months left for my ITA deadline), I finally managed to get my feet and go there, face the DSWD people, tell them about my marital problem, and hope that one of them might understand what I've been going through.

As a single parent (actually, married but separated three years ago) who is one of the thousands of Pinoys aspiring to migrate to New Zealand, I was required to secure this clearance for me to be able to take my daughter to NZ. Simple lang po ang mga requirements...Actually, they're already in my hands when I went there -- except for one -- my husbands signature (sa Parental Travel Permit form). Isang maliit na pirma lang po na katumbas ng kaligahayan naming mag-ina...katumbas ng kalayaan namin...katumbas ng isang chance na makapagsimulang muli ng bagong buhay...sa New Zealand.

While I was giving the docs to the DSWD lady that was assigned to me, I was already explaining to her my situation. Defensive kung baga. I told her, "Ah, Miss, wala kasi yang pirma ng father kasi di ko na siya mahanap. Three years na kasi kaming hiwalay eh. Isa pa, we're not in good terms na rin kasi ng husband ko as well as his family." The DSWD lady politely declined us, explaining that the signature is really a requirement to prove that the father is allowing me to take my child anywhere outside the country. "Miss, pag lumapit kasi ako sa father, siguradong di niya pipirmahan at siguradong pipigilan niya yung anak naming makaalis." I added, sounding desperate. But still, she refused to give us the clearance.

Di ko na maipinta ang mukha ko...I know that anytime, my tears would fall while I'm in front of my friend and the DSWD lady. Yumuko na lang ako and pretended that I was returning all the documents to my folder -- slowly, maybe still hoping that a miracle might just happen, but none at the moment. "Sige, Miss, thank you na lang. Balik na lang kami kung may developments. Sige po." She nodded.

I left the place broken hearted. Bagsak ang balikat. My friend kept on cheering me up and telling me not to give up. I have two options now, to exclude my daughter in my immigration application or to gamble with my husbands compassion (and pray that if he learns about our application to NZ, wag niya nang hadlangan). Sob! Sob! I remember my daughters face whenever we pray to God about going to New Zealand -- you can see all the hopes in her -- believing that her mommy can do everything...that her mommy can make our every dream come true. Now what shall I tell her?

I don't know how to end this...maybe with a prayer -- still, pleading to God that He give us a chance to start a new life...

Thanks for reading this!